first sparkle ✧ (thirty-fourth breath) ✧ video/action

[musubi]

GOOD MORNING, PEOPLE OF LUCETI!

[Standing in the middle of town today, right on the edge of the fountain, is a young man dressed as a teenaged girl. His tone is feminine as well, lips painted black around a wide grin. He raises his hands in the air.

His journal is laid on the ground in front of him, purposefully recording everything for anyone in the village to see.]

I am Ai Tokunaga! And the amount of gloom in this place right now is simply unbearable!

[He wraps his arms around himself in a self-hug, face distraught only for a moment before becoming cheery again.]

Never fear though, lovelies. Ai has come to give his advice to all of you! Share with me your woes, my precious feathered dearests, and I will do my best to bring light back into your lives!



[[OOC: For an idea of WTF is going on here, see this post. Responses will come from okamareason. Please don't have your character immediately recognize him as Isamu unless you've spoken with me first.]]

Comments

[ledbythewind]

[Now Richard's face falls. He knows Ai means well, but that just dredged up some less-than-happy memories.]

The one who mattered most didn't accept me. He was the first one who told me I needed to change.

[okamareason]

[He sighs.]

Are they family?

[ledbythewind]

[He shakes his head.]

They were someone I loved, someone who said they loved me in return.

[But it was more than just said... if there's one thing Richard has become an expert at over the years, it's being able to tell when people are lying to him. And Naoki hadn't been lying whenever he said "I love you."]

[okamareason]

[...Ah. Naoki.

Well, this is certainly awkward.]

...Are they here now?

[ledbythewind]

Yes and no. They are here, but it isn't the same them as the one who was with me.

[okamareason]

Do you still see them as the same person?

[ledbythewind]

I don't know. Should I?

[okamareason]

Do they act the same at all?

[ledbythewind]

... no. They don't.

[And wow, does that ever hurt.]

[okamareason]

Then... as much as you may want them to be, you can't consider them the same person.

[ledbythewind]

[He knows. In his heart, he knows that it's the truth. But accepting that means that what he'd had with the Naoki here before is irrevocably gone, that there's no chance of ever repairing it because there is nothing TO repair.

And it hurts. It hurts to know that he's lost the closest thing he'd ever had to real happiness.

Where did that lump in his throat come from?]

[okamareason]

Dear heart. I know it's hard.

It's hard, and there's nothing that will ever really fill the hole they've left.

But you can't let it hold you back.

[ledbythewind]

I'd never felt like that before.

[Affection, even friendship, is still a concept that he's only familiarizing himself with now. Being loved had been wonderful and amazing, and now he's that much more acutely aware of what he'd been missing in his life.]

But in the end... I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough for him to want to stay with me.

[okamareason]

Oh hon. Don't think that way.

Relationships don't always work out. It happens. It's rare, in fact, for someone's first relationship to be the one that lasts. It's heartbreaking, but it doesn't mean you're a failure.

At some point you will be able to find love again.

[ledbythewind]

[But Richard just shakes his head with a soft, sad little smile.]

Say you drop a tea cup on the floor and break it. You may be able to glue it back together and make it usable again, but would you really choose to use that cup over one that had never been broken in the first place?

[Because that's what he is: broken. He realizes this now. Normal people don't have trouble opening up to and trusting others, don't wake up screaming in the middle of the night from memories of the terrible things they've done, aren't afraid to eat food that hasn't been prepared by someone they trust.

Who in their right mind would want to deal with all of that baggage? Naoki didn't, and he was one of the kindest people Richard has ever met.]

[okamareason]

[Isamu frowns again, and he holds out both hands in front of him for Richard to take if he wants.]

But you have the ability to do something the teacup can't. You can heal.

Maybe you don't feel like you can, not right now, but as a human being you have the ability to grow, to adjust, and to make yourself whole again. You don't want to be hurt again, and that's understandable. No one wants to fall down, then finally get up only to fall back to the floor, but how else do we learn how to walk on our own when we're fresh out of the cradle?

[ledbythewind]

[Richard hesitates for a moment before reaching for those hands, just wanting the simple comfort of having someone else there. Why he's spilling such personal things to this stranger is still a mystery to him, yet somehow it feels like the weight on his back is getting just the smallest bit lighter as he does so.]

And would you want to spend your time on someone like that, someone who may never be truly whole again no matter how hard they try?

[It's bitter, self-deprecating. Yes, Isamu, this is how Richard really thinks of himself, the part that he doesn't want you to see.]

[okamareason]

If I found the right one? Certainly.

[He gives Richard's hands a squeeze.]

The right person will like you despite all that. And I still think you're being too hard on yourself regardless. You're young and heartbroken. It will get better. The right person will help it get better.

[ledbythewind]

I'm afraid it isn't that simple.

[For a multitude of reasons (several of which tie in to his current identity crisis), though he squeezes those hands back anyway, glad for the support.]

But it's all right. My responsibilities come first, regardless of my feelings on the matter.

[okamareason]

It's never that simple.

[Isamu pulls him a bit closer.]

That doesn't mean you should give up what's important to you. There are always ways to make compromises, and you shouldn't be the only one having to do it.

[ledbythewind]

[Richard doesn't resist the way he normally would, even though a part of his mind is wondering what on earth he's thinking by allowing this.]

And if I said that being the one to make sacrifices was a requirement of my job?

[The people and the country come first, always. That's one thing that has been drilled into his head since he was old enough to understand.]

[okamareason]

I would say you're a very noble individual, in that case.

But I would also wonder if you really needed to sacrifice as much as you thought you did.

[ledbythewind]

Sometimes I wonder if I don't need to sacrifice more.

[Was it really right that he be able to live freely without any real punishment for what he did?]

[okamareason]

You wonder that because you're a good person. If you weren't, you wouldn't care.

If you ask me? I think you've likely sacrificed enough, but you're the sort of man who'll continue to do it anyway. You just have to make sure you don't give too much - because that's possible, and the people who care about you won't want that.

[ledbythewind]

I have a debt to repay, in more senses than one. I'll give whatever is necessary to repay it-- that is the least I can do to make up for what I've done. I owe the people of my world at least that much.