musubi | appointment's post

[Richard can't even think of a response to that. Instead, he just stares, torn between incredulity and anger because is he really that dense? That isn't how things WORK, he can't just leave and dump everything on the shoulders of Dale or someone else... never mind that he'd been considering abdicating the throne. He'd decided against it because that would be running away from his responsibilities.

It's such a ridiculous proposal that he just starts to laugh, but that unsettling tone from before is back, the laughing bordering on hysterical. Isamu doesn't understand, he doesn't understand at all...]

Okay, that... Yeah, I guess that's kind of selfish sounding. But I guess I'm just a selfish person.

[He sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose.]

[But Richard doesn't stop laughing - can't stop laughing - because it really is so absurd that this is all he can think of to do. In the back of his mind he realizes that this isn't a normal or even rational reaction, but that thought is gone almost as soon as it appears. This whole thing is just too funny to him right now.

Except that gradually choked sobs begin to intermingle with the laughter until he's laughing and crying at the same time, and then he's flat-out sobbing and he can't stop that either, deep, shuddering sobs that wrack his entire body. He doesn't even care. He's too far past caring at this point, tired and miserable and overwhelmed.

Still sobbing, he just sinks to his knees on the floor and curls in on himself like a wounded animal, shaking and seemingly unaware that Isamu is even still there.]

Aw, man...

[Isamu gets down next to his friend, gently wrapping his arms around him.]

Hey. Hey, it's going to be okay, alright? I know that sounds kind of stupid right now, but... Geez.

[Richard isn't the sort of person to get openly emotional about many things. Instead, he usually keeps his feelings under ironclad control, a remnant of the days when his uncle would have taken any chance he could to prove that Richard was unfit for the throne. To Cerdic (and, to a lesser degree, his father as well), crying was a sign of weakness. Men weren't supposed to cry. To Richard, allowing himself to succumb to his emotions meant losing one of the tiny fragments of control he was allowed over his own life.

So Richard had simply learned not to cry, no matter how much things hurt. There was no point, not when there was no one there to care, no one to comfort him even if he were to cry. And so he'd bottled things up for years, brushed them aside and locked them away deep in his heart where it was easier to pretend that it didn't matter. Fatalistic, perhaps, but what else could he do? Tears didn't change anything. He'd learned that much long ago.

Yet he can't seem to stop crying now as he sags helplessly against Isamu, burying his face in his friend's shirt as if by doing so he can somehow make himself disappear and make everything stop hurting so much.]

[Isamu just continues to hold him, rubbing gentle circles into his back with both hands. He's really at a loss for what to do.]

Okay, just... Just let it all out. It'll be good for you.

[Hopefully.

He can't give Richard what he wants the most. At least he doesn't believe he can.]

Edited 2012-02-26 06:57 (UTC)

[Richard's got enough sense left to clutch at the front of Isamu's shirt as he cries, just wanting something to anchor him. There's been so much going on lately that he just plain feels overwhelmed by it all-- between Valentine's Day and the reminder of what happened last year, so many of his friends returning home, and then trying to get Asbel and Cheria to finally admit their feelings for each other, it's been too much for him to handle, and trying to keep everything bottled up inside certainly hasn't been helping on that front.

He'll be mortified later, but for now, letting it out like this probably really is what's best for him.]

[Isamu will sit there as long as he needs to. It's the least he can do in this situation, after all.]

[At last Richard's crying will slow until he's more trying to catch his breath than actually crying, though he remains slumped against Isamu, hands still fisted in the other's shirt. Now that he's processing what just happened, he's suddenly embarrassed, and he can't bring himself to pull away and look at his friend's face. He's not sure he wants to see what's there...]

[The other young man just gives him a few more gentle pats on the back, saying nothing. He wants to make sure Richard is finished before he does.]

[Yeah, he's pretty much cried out by now. Occasionally the remnants of a sob will slip through, but he's mostly run out of steam, as may be evident from the fact that he's leaning more heavily than he was before.]

[Pat pat pat.]

...It's okay, man. [Wow, broken record.] Take as long as you want.

[Now that he's mostly regained his emotional equilibrium (as much as he ever has it, at least), he'll release his hold on Isamu's shirt and pull away, his gaze falling to the floor out of embarrassment. He definitely hadn't meant to do THAT...]

... I'm sorry. I never meant for you to see me like that.

Heh. You act as though you're not allowed to break down. Fuck that.

Everyone's allowed to have their moments. I won't tell a soul.

[The tiniest hint of a smile plays at the corner of Richard's lips, though it's tinged with sadness as well.]

Things like that are what made me fall in love with you.

[Dammit, Richard. Did you have to say it like that?]

So I need to start being more of an asshole again, then. Got it.

[Yes, yes he did, because it's the truth.]

I understand if you'd rather not share the bed anymore. I can't exactly blame you for it, either.

[He does have to stop and think about that one for a moment. That would continue to make things even more awkward, wouldn't it?]

I, uh...

Well, you have a hard time sleeping alone, right?

I...

[He doesn't finish that sentence, but the answer should be obvious considering his nightmares have gotten worse in recent weeks.]

Yeah, let's... not move too quick on that.

I'd have to readjust and that's no fun for anyone.

Isamu...?

[There's a note of uncertainty to his voice, as he's not quite sure whether that's a yes or a no.]

What? I said things are fine as they are for now.

I'll kick you out if I need to, but I don't need to.

... thank you.

[He looks and sounds truly grateful for this, because as much as he might want to be alone, he really needs the companionship right now.]

I won't let this change things between us-- that much I promise.

Just... don't worry about that part too much for right now, okay?

[One thing at a time.]

[Richard nods and moves to stand... or perhaps not. All of that crying has left him lightheaded enough that the floor is looking like the better option for the moment.]

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