[And Richard can't help it: he starts to laugh, because the idea of Isamu trying to navigate around with a blindfold on is at once hilarious and adorable.]
[... ouch. That hurts a little bit, but he isn't going to mention that now.]
I understand. Love is something that needs to develop on its own, however long that takes...
[And then he pauses, suddenly glad that he's sitting in a position where he can't see Isamu's face. Somehow that makes this that much easier, because he knows already how it's going to end. But he wants to say this, needs to say this even so.]
... and sometimes you don't even realize it's there at first.
[... normal. It isn't normal in his world, and he's starting to realize that it isn't normal in other worlds either. It's the same reason Asbel couldn't return his feelings either-- because he's a man, and men are supposed to love women, not other men.
And he isn't sure what to do, especially now that that date with Nami had confirmed his suspicions.]
[He's familiar enough with that feeling by now to recognize it, and given how long he spent trying to deny it to himself... yeah, he's very sure, which only makes him feel worse, and now he's regretting saying anything at all.]
[Isamu, that is perhaps the understatement of the century in Richard's eyes. The throne is the reason his father was murdered and he was nearly assassinated multiple times-- there's a part of him that will always hate it for that.]
A castle may be a fancy prison, but in the end, it's still a prison.
[Richard can't even think of a response to that. Instead, he just stares, torn between incredulity and anger because is he really that dense? That isn't how things WORK, he can't just leave and dump everything on the shoulders of Dale or someone else... never mind that he'd been considering abdicating the throne. He'd decided against it because that would be running away from his responsibilities.
It's such a ridiculous proposal that he just starts to laugh, but that unsettling tone from before is back, the laughing bordering on hysterical. Isamu doesn't understand, he doesn't understand at all...]
[But Richard doesn't stop laughing - can't stop laughing - because it really is so absurd that this is all he can think of to do. In the back of his mind he realizes that this isn't a normal or even rational reaction, but that thought is gone almost as soon as it appears. This whole thing is just too funny to him right now.
Except that gradually choked sobs begin to intermingle with the laughter until he's laughing and crying at the same time, and then he's flat-out sobbing and he can't stop that either, deep, shuddering sobs that wrack his entire body. He doesn't even care. He's too far past caring at this point, tired and miserable and overwhelmed.
Still sobbing, he just sinks to his knees on the floor and curls in on himself like a wounded animal, shaking and seemingly unaware that Isamu is even still there.]
[Richard isn't the sort of person to get openly emotional about many things. Instead, he usually keeps his feelings under ironclad control, a remnant of the days when his uncle would have taken any chance he could to prove that Richard was unfit for the throne. To Cerdic (and, to a lesser degree, his father as well), crying was a sign of weakness. Men weren't supposed to cry. To Richard, allowing himself to succumb to his emotions meant losing one of the tiny fragments of control he was allowed over his own life.
So Richard had simply learned not to cry, no matter how much things hurt. There was no point, not when there was no one there to care, no one to comfort him even if he were to cry. And so he'd bottled things up for years, brushed them aside and locked them away deep in his heart where it was easier to pretend that it didn't matter. Fatalistic, perhaps, but what else could he do? Tears didn't change anything. He'd learned that much long ago.
Yet he can't seem to stop crying now as he sags helplessly against Isamu, burying his face in his friend's shirt as if by doing so he can somehow make himself disappear and make everything stop hurting so much.]
[Richard's got enough sense left to clutch at the front of Isamu's shirt as he cries, just wanting something to anchor him. There's been so much going on lately that he just plain feels overwhelmed by it all-- between Valentine's Day and the reminder of what happened last year, so many of his friends returning home, and then trying to get Asbel and Cheria to finally admit their feelings for each other, it's been too much for him to handle, and trying to keep everything bottled up inside certainly hasn't been helping on that front.
He'll be mortified later, but for now, letting it out like this probably really is what's best for him.]
[At last Richard's crying will slow until he's more trying to catch his breath than actually crying, though he remains slumped against Isamu, hands still fisted in the other's shirt. Now that he's processing what just happened, he's suddenly embarrassed, and he can't bring himself to pull away and look at his friend's face. He's not sure he wants to see what's there...]
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[Action, Feb. 23]
[And Richard can't help it: he starts to laugh, because the idea of Isamu trying to navigate around with a blindfold on is at once hilarious and adorable.]
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I wasn't doing any of that love at first sight bullshit.
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I understand. Love is something that needs to develop on its own, however long that takes...
[And then he pauses, suddenly glad that he's sitting in a position where he can't see Isamu's face. Somehow that makes this that much easier, because he knows already how it's going to end. But he wants to say this, needs to say this even so.]
... and sometimes you don't even realize it's there at first.
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You know I can't... return that the way you want.
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[... normal. It isn't normal in his world, and he's starting to realize that it isn't normal in other worlds either. It's the same reason Asbel couldn't return his feelings either-- because he's a man, and men are supposed to love women, not other men.
And he isn't sure what to do, especially now that that date with Nami had confirmed his suspicions.]
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It isn't just because, you know, we've been sharing a bed and house and whatever...
Jesus.
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[He's familiar enough with that feeling by now to recognize it, and given how long he spent trying to deny it to himself... yeah, he's very sure, which only makes him feel worse, and now he's regretting saying anything at all.]
... I'm sorry. I should never have mentioned it.
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[Isamu sighs, removing his hat to run a hand through his hair.]
We need to find you someone.
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Find me someone, you say? There's no point. When we return to Efinea, I'm going to have to choose a wife.
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You're the king, right? Can anyone actually make you do that?
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[He can't really think of anything else to say.]
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A castle may be a fancy prison, but in the end, it's still a prison.
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[Simple.]
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It's such a ridiculous proposal that he just starts to laugh, but that unsettling tone from before is back, the laughing bordering on hysterical. Isamu doesn't understand, he doesn't understand at all...]
[Action, Feb. 23]
[He sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose.]
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Except that gradually choked sobs begin to intermingle with the laughter until he's laughing and crying at the same time, and then he's flat-out sobbing and he can't stop that either, deep, shuddering sobs that wrack his entire body. He doesn't even care. He's too far past caring at this point, tired and miserable and overwhelmed.
Still sobbing, he just sinks to his knees on the floor and curls in on himself like a wounded animal, shaking and seemingly unaware that Isamu is even still there.]
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[Isamu gets down next to his friend, gently wrapping his arms around him.]
Hey. Hey, it's going to be okay, alright? I know that sounds kind of stupid right now, but... Geez.
[Action, Feb. 23]
So Richard had simply learned not to cry, no matter how much things hurt. There was no point, not when there was no one there to care, no one to comfort him even if he were to cry. And so he'd bottled things up for years, brushed them aside and locked them away deep in his heart where it was easier to pretend that it didn't matter. Fatalistic, perhaps, but what else could he do? Tears didn't change anything. He'd learned that much long ago.
Yet he can't seem to stop crying now as he sags helplessly against Isamu, burying his face in his friend's shirt as if by doing so he can somehow make himself disappear and make everything stop hurting so much.]
[Action, Feb. 23]
Okay, just... Just let it all out. It'll be good for you.
[Hopefully.
He can't give Richard what he wants the most. At least he doesn't believe he can.]
[Action, Feb. 23]
He'll be mortified later, but for now, letting it out like this probably really is what's best for him.]
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